CHRISTMAS HAUL 2014

Some new, very comfy, PJs

A ring that I had asked for quite a while ago in preparation and then completely forgot about it (nice work mum!)
find it here

An adorable door stop

  

A case for my beautiful new baby

A onesie! 

An oversized blanket/cardigan

Some of my stocking fillers 

All of my yummy chocolate 

I did pretty well for Christmas presents this year so here are a few things that I received!

Merry (belated) Christmas and Happy new year :)

(p.s This is in no way a bragging post, I am just very,very happy with what I received this year)

Natasha

CONSTRUCTION WORK AND LIFE CHANGES

How long does construction work really take? Seriously, why has it taken three months to dig a hole in the ground? If it takes that long and nothing but humungous piles of dirt are what you have to show for months of work maybe a carer change is in order?

Now obviously I do not know how long it actually takes to dig the foundations for a fairly large building but it is absolutely ridiculous. My only saviour to this problem in my life at the moment is that in just under a month I will no longer be working in the same part of town.

This is quite bitter sweet for me because I will no longer be working with the majority of the people that I met in 2014 but I will be doing something I am going to really enjoy, maybe even more than what I have been doing over the past year.

With all of the construction that is going on around my place of work, It is making it very hard for me to be excited to come into work when I have to trek a diverted route that goes UP hill before I have fully woken up!

In all seriousness though, I really have enjoyed what I have been doing over 2014 and am very proud to call myself a 'college drop out'. The amount I have grown and have achieved has baffled me and only makes me want to aim higher.

This then brings me back to construction.

Why would you not try to build a building before Christmas and all the shitty weather starts? Maybe I should get into brick laying to find out the answer...

Natasha

RECENT NETFLIX WATCHES

Recently I have had a LOT of spare time that I wasn't sure how to fill. So I decided that I would look around on Netflix to see if there was anything that tickled my fancy.

I started out with Heroes, I think I am still at around episode 19 in season one. I didn't mind it, at the start it was interesting but it got a bit too samey for me and so I started looking around again. 

I then came across The Office (US) and couldn't stop watching it! It was dangerous that Netflix had almost all of the nine series because the first and only thing I wanted to do (and did do) when I got home from work was watch another episode - and I would continue to watch up until I was tired enough to go to sleep!

- I have seen all episodes in the eight series twice! - 

Netflix then recommended for me Life Unexpected. Which again, I fell in love with and couldn't stop watching. It has really made me appreciate the people that I do have in my life!

So after TV shows that I never actually watched on TV I had a quick look through the (awful) movie selection that Netflix has to offer and came across Black Fish. I had heard about this maybe about a year ago but couldn't find any channel in the UK that showed it so Black Fish was the first movie of the night. I don’t really agree with the whole concept of teaching sea animals (and all animals in general) tricks. so seeing that there was a documentary out there with some many credible people in it was really impressive to me and I would recommend it to anyone who likes documentaries. 

The second movie was Lovelace. I’m a sucker for any Amanda Seyfried film so I chose to watch it. Learning that the film was based on true events was quite distressing but it was interesting to see the early days of such a taboo industry.

And lastly was Afternoon Delight. Again I watched this because of the actress’ in the film who are Juno Temple and Kathryn Hahn. I didn't really know, even after the film had ended, what it really was about. Im not really sure why anyone would take a sex worker in to their house thinking that they are going to change their ways purely because of the person who took them in.

Overall I wasted around six hours on three films I will never have to watch again.

Have you watched anything on Netflix that you would recommend?

Natasha 

DRY FACE

I had the brilliant (<sarcasm) idea of changing up my daily face routine a few weeks ago which coincided with a doctors visit. I was prescribed a new acne pill and a new acid based cream for my face. 

A few days after I started on this new pill I noticed that my face both looked and felt dry, it would also react whenever I sprayed tea tree water on my face, which was odd because it had never done that before. After a week of being on the pill and using the cream, I decided to test out what it was that was making my skin so dry and decided that I would start with the pill.

The pill itself was supposed to stop my face from producing the oily build-up however I did not realise that it would take away every single drop of it! 

My skin wasn't really making any improvements that I could see, however I was still using tea tree water to cleanse my face in the morning and evening - not making the connection that it too was striping away the oiliness I needed back in my face. Once this had snapped in my mind (another week later) I cut that out of my routine as well. 

My routine now consisted of patting my face with cold water, drying it and applying a heavy duty moisturiser. It was tight and painful and made me miserable. 

This was only a few weeks ago and I am still having to use the same routine as my face is still not back to normal! However I do have a bit more movement in my face.

If anyone out there has painfully dry skin I would recommend you try honey face packs and try not to worry about how "greasy' your face looks as feeling good is better than looking it!

Another life lesson learned the hard way!!

Natasha

MY ANIMALS

I would like to introduce you to my family's animals, They have been a big part of my life for as far as I can remember. 

So first off we have Harley, a black and ginger tabby cat that is ALWAYS hungry for food. I believe that she is around 12-13 years old now and, when she was around one years old, she had four kittens - two fully black and two fully ginger. 
One of her favourite things to do is to hold a staring contest until the opponent gives her food.

Secondly we have Holly, a tortoiseshell who has a skin condition. She is a happy cat who could still pass off as a kitten with her bursts of playfulness. She is also around 12-13 years old.
One of her favourite things to do is to curl up on the seat that you want to sit in.

And lastly, but by no means least, we have Ali. Ali is a collie crossed with a breed we have been unable to distinguish! We got her when she was nine months old which was around 11 years ago now. Her back left leg was broken when she was a very young puppy and healed awkwardly so generally distributes her weight over the three fully-functioning legs. She is very easily excitable and an enormous fidget! 
One of her favourite things to do is to whine as loud as she can until she can get to the cat's food.

Natasha

HOW TO MAKE A CHRISTMAS TREE

Now I know it is still November, However I am very, very, VERY excited for the Christmas season! So I decided it was time to start decorating.

Here is how I turn magazines in to Christmas Trees:




First off I start with the front page of the magazine, I make a fold that allows the top edge to align with the glued edge.










I then make another fold in the same way, I align the previously folded edge with the glued edge.







Finally I fold the bottom corner up of the page.









I continue to do this until I have folded all of the pages in the magazine.




















I have found it best if you use two magazines for every tree, unless it will be on display in front of a wall. 

You could go a step further and spray paint them once they are finished however I choose to keep the magazines how they are as I feel it adds a bit more colour.

I hope you enjoyed this simple craft. What is your favorite Christmas decoration?

Natasha

THE PAST YEAR - A COLLABORATION PROJECT [PART 3]

The past year... Well, I guess I could say it's so so. 2014 has actually been very good to me, way better than 2012 and 2013. I guess you could say that "Every year gets better". I hope that's true.

My first year at college seems like a blur but I know great things happened. I found my now best friends while still keeping close to the old (although we drift apart, I will always love you all), became a part of a friendship group that could accept me for who I was. I tried my hardest to pass with decent grades (I take BTEC Extended Level 3 Art and Design Diploma & Media) and I averaged out with DDM (Distinction, distinction, merit AKA approx. A, A, B) in my Art course and an overall grade of a B in Media, however I managed to achieve the highest AS grade in my coursework across all Media AS students, getting an A* (98/100) which made me super happy. 

Summer came around and I saw an opportunity to read a lot of books and fall in love with TV shows. I moved out of my house in order for it to be renovated, and moved in with my lovely Aunt, which is where I am still (been here for 3 months ~ish~) I saw my friends, earned money, relaxed for the first time in ages. College came around again too fast, and put me down a lot. I couldn't settle back in and ended up not attending very often at all, my depression and anxiety took over. My attendance fell below 60% and now I'm under a form of "probation" if you like. I'm not pleased, but I didn't see any other option at the time, it was literally unbearable to deal with. (You can read about this more here.)

So talk after talk after lecture after talk, I've tried to pick myself up. I think about the positives in life like my amazing friends, and my lovely lovely boyfriend of whom I've loved and waited for, for a year  (I'm cheesy I'm sorry), and how help is always available for when things get tough. I turned 18 and spent it with my favourite people, made new friends, got closer to family, lost my phone (and a few other things). I've kicked old habits out the picture, like my self harm, but acquired  new ones, like smoking... Which again has disappointed a few people. But I can say I'm getting there, and I think that's a big step from where I was over 2 years ago... (link).

Here's to a not so bad 2014 and a hopefully better 2015... 

Catherine x

Blog

Twitter

Instagram

Pinterest

Tumblr

THE PAST YEAR - A COLLABORATION PROJECT [PART 2]

This past year, has been a strange one. Some things happened just as I expected them too, but others took me by surprise. I was both excited and scared to leave secondary school and move on to college. I liked the idea of choosing a few subjects that I loved (Music, Drama, English Literature) rather than having to sit through lessons that I couldn’t care less about. For example, Maths and science; I hated those lessons because I had no idea what the heck was going on, and didn’t understand anything I was being ‘taught’. However, I was completely terrified of being stuck in new classes full of people that I didn’t know.
- I am a ridiculously shy person, full of anxiety (yay). So talking to new people is really difficult for me. People never really believe me because I’m a performer. I’ve been on stage, singing, dancing, and acting in front of reasonably large audiences; people don’t seem to understand that being a character with prewritten lines is totally different to being myself and having to find ways to hold a conversation. 

In secondary school, my friendship groups were a mess. I was friends with a large group of people for the most part of four years, and then realised that a lot of them were assholes and I didn’t want them for company. So then my friendship group changed and I had five best friends that I spoke to every single day. But going into college ruined all of that. We all chose very different subjects to study, meaning that we had very different timetables and met different people. At first we would try to meet up at lunch as often as possible, but that soon changed. As everyone made friends, they started hanging out with them instead, so as a result, I was left alone. For around a month, I spent my days silently sitting through lessons and awkwardly finding places to sit during lunch where I could be alone and not feel like I was getting judged (not freaking easy).  I was in a seriously bad place, and hated my life. Even worse, I hated myself.
  But then a miracle happened and two of the girls from my old friendship group (the one with the assholes) saw me sat alone and invited me to join them. And to this day they are some of my best friends again, and I don’t know where I would be without them.

I still hate college, and im pretty sure that im going to fail my exams (like seriously, I procrastinate so much. As im writing this, im supposed to be reading two novels and writing at least three essays, but this is more fun so….)

Another issue I had was trying to figure out what I was going to do with my life. This period of time is full of decisions that we are pressured into making, even though we have no idea what we want to do. I spent so many nights crying myself to sleep because I just didn’t know what I wanted to do. My mum had been making me look at university courses and dragging me to Open Days, and this whole process stressed me out and actually made me really sad. And very recently I realised that this was not okay. If it’s making me with sad and scared, then it’s not for me. I tried to think about what made me happy, rather than what my family wanted me to do, and what society expected of me. The things that I love are 1.) Books; I love reading, and I actually love to write as well. 2.) Music; music is seriously one of my favourite things ever, I don’t go a day without listening to something. And I love to create music, I play guitar, ukulele, piano, clarinet (oh so cool) and I sing, and I know that I want music in my future. And 3.) I love the internet; more specifically YouTube, I spend so much of my time there and am subscribed to around 200 channels, but I also love to make videos, and I really enjoy editing them. I know that I want each of these things in my future, but the difficult part, is telling my family. They are the type of people to completely shun the idea, and be totally unsupportive. But I know now that this is something that I want, so their opinions aren’t going to stop me.

This past year, has been a strange one. I lost friends, and spent a long time being confused and seriously unhappy. But I also rekindled friendships and found out who I want to be, so I guess it wasn’t too bad…

Stephanie x

THE PAST YEAR - A COLLABORATION PROJECT [PART 1]

The past year for me has been different to how I expected it to be.
I thought that I would currently be in my second year of college studying Health and Social care with hopes that I could eventually become a midwife. That was the plan anyway, but that's not how things played out for me. Instead I have a job, responsibilities and barely any fun.

Now I didn't do very well in school, I think I have said before that I barely passed five of my 13 GCSE (General Certificate of Secondary Education) exams and I know that this happened because I put in little to no effort, at all. Looking back a little over a year later I can see how foolish that was of me.

Living in this world and finding your place in it is not an easy task, to know what you want to do and what you will enjoy for your entire working life is one of the most daunting tasks anyone will go through, EVER - even if you think you know what you want to do.  I thought that I knew what I wanted to do with my life - I thought that I wanted to deliver babies into the world or to aid the premature-born to survive and ideally that would have been perfect for me. 

I started at college (And educational facility for the two years between secondary school - 11 years old to 16 years old - and University - 18 years +) just like the rest of the people in my year at school did, with the intentions to like it, make new friends and learn things that I wanted to learn about (and not have to argue on a daily basis about why I am going to need Pythagoras theorem and poetic techniques to survive in life). I found that as much as college gives you more of a choice about what you can study, everything else about it reminded me of school. Every other person there was no different to the people I was in school with a few months before and I really couldn't get on with it. I started testing the boundaries, how far each teacher I had would let me push them and soon I stopped attending classes altogether. 

It took some time getting my mum to understand that I wasn't happy at college and that I wanted to drop out. I wasn't all too clear with myself let alone with her about why I wanted to drop out and that made it hard for her to see my point of view. Once I had realized and told her that it was because I didn't like my course and the people on it she came around to the idea that I wasn't in education anymore, she let me know what responsibilities I would then be taking on - I would have to start looking for a job and basically become an adult. 

After applying for a few apprenticeship posts and having two interviews with a few more set up I was offered a job in which I would get the opportunity to get a level 2 NVQ (National Vocational Qualification) in Business and Administration. A level 2 qualification is equivalent to a GCSE and being that I didn't have too many of those to brag about, I grabbed that opportunity with both hands and that was the best decision I have ever made!

Now the 'barely any fun' that I referenced at the beginning of this post is that I am in a professional environment for most of my day so I rarely get the chance to intermix with other people my age - this then means that I only have the friends that have stayed in touch with me from school who all have their own new friends, lots of course work and part time jobs to do, so seeing them happens less frequently than a full moon!

In spite of this I have really been able to see the amount that I have grown as a person, it's incredulous to me that I have been able to achieve even the smallest of things like pick up a phone to a strange purposefully and keep my shit together. Now, I feel that I am nowhere near where I want to be in life - partly because I don't quite know where that is yet however I now know some of the things that I want to be able to do and to try out with my career - now its just to figure out my next step.

Natasha

DERMATILLOMANIA - MY STORY

Dermatillomania is the name for Compulsive Skin Picking (CSP) which is on the OCD spectrum with extreme cases leading on to Body Dysmorphic Disorder. CSP is something that I have suffered with ever since I started to get spots, specifically when I had a break out of spots from my head to toe due to stress. 

I don't think that I have ever been able to fight an urge to itch my skin, If you haven't experienced CSP or even Trich then the way I would describe it is with Chicken Pox. You can feel each individual centimeter of skin itch and all you can think about is how much you want to tear layers of your skin off of your body. However once you have satisfied every itch you have on your body they come back, again and again and again until you try and restrain yourself from scratching anymore because you find yourself with red sore marks all over your body.

It is a subconscious habit of mine that occurs every single day and one that I have just sort of accepted as 'normal' for me. I find that I will be able to notice whenever I start scratching when I have less acne/spots on my face because I am trying to find something that will satisfy my urges or when I am focused on something and then have to use my hand - for instance when I am reading through a post and have to make small changes. 

One thing about it, especially with pimple-y spots is that I can feel all of the disgusting stuff inside the small mountain of skin and that makes me want to get rid of it even more, most of the time I will start by washing my face to see if that will pop it itself but most of the time it doesn't so I find myself a few hours later after just wanting to pick one small spot and pretty much my entire face is either bleeding or beetroot red.

I had never really come across the disorder online or in day to day life until I found out about Trichotillomania - Hair Pulling Disorder - which was around the begin of 2014 and saw that the two were both on the OCD spectrum. After finding out that it is a disorder I decided to look in to it a bit further. I've found that there are supposed ways of 'curing' or reversing the obsessions with things such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Habit Reversing Training (HRT). Whether these will work for me I have no idea, the only road I have gone down to try to stop is by trying to take out the biggest element - spots. I have previously been on antibiotics to try to get rid of my acne and it did for the most part but I guess my body was too dependent on them because as soon as I started weening myself off of them the acne came straight back! One of the worse things about it for me is that I'm not too worried with what I look like - even if I wear make up and I am around people I will find my hands routing around my face looking for something to pick. 

I have decided to do my post about Dermatillomania because I have noticed a rapid increase of my compulsion in the last week or so - it seems that my body hasn't gotten along with my need to dehair my body, Something that I only really do in the summer time as I show my legs and because I prefer not to have body hair - And have slightly broken out on my arms, stomach and lower back which has been itchy and has given me compulsions to pick. Another reason for me to put my story out to the world is so that maybe it could help someone else out, even if its only that they know it is what someone else deems 'normal' too, that will provide me great comfort.

Do you have CSP or have you ever been able to rid yourself of the convulsions? what has helped you the most?

Natasha 

BOOKS READ TO DATE

I really enjoy reading, being able to imagine for yourself what someone else has written on paper is one of my favorite pass-times. I go into reading when the film 'The Hunger Games' came out in cinemas (around march of 2012) because as soon as I came out of the movie I wanted to know how the series continued. Luckily it was Easter break and I had a week off of school as I spent the ENTIRE week reading the trilogy of books! I didn't eat or sleep I only read the books. 

From this I was able to venture into other corners of my mind with other books. The tetralogy of books from Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl were my next few reads and fell in love with them - my only problem was that I read them in the order 2,1,4,3 so I couldn't really figure out the proper story line but it wasn't too complicated.

The books that I have read to date are:

The Hunger Games - Suzanne Collins
Catching fire - Suzanne Collins
Mockingjay - Suzanne Collins

Beautiful Creatures - Kami Garcia & Margaret Stohl
Beautiful Darkness - Kami Garcia & Margaret Stohl
Beautiful Chaos - Kami Garcia & Margaret Stohl
Beautiful Redemption - Kami Garcia & Margaret Stohl

Divergent - Veronica Roth
Insurgent - Veronica Roth 

The Silver Linings Playbook - Matthew Quick

The Perks of Being a Wallflower - Stephen Chbosky

Twilight - Stephanie Meyer
New Moon - Stephanie Meyer
Eclipse - Stephanie Meyer
The Short Second Life of Brie Tanner - Stephanie Meyer
Breaking Dawn - Stephanie Meyer

The Knife of Never Letting Go - Patrick Ness
The Ask and The Answer - Patrick Ness
Monsters of Men - Patrick Ness

Will Grayson  Will Grayson - John Green & David Levithan 
The Fault in our Stars - John Green
Paper Towns - John Green
An Abundance of Katherines - John Green

To Kill a Mocking Bird - Harper Lee

Lord of the Flies - William Golding

Infinite Sky - C.J.Flood


My top 10 favorite books


What is your favorite book? and Who's your favorite writer?

Natasha 

A LETTER TO MY MUM

Mum, 

I don't know if you have the same thought process about this as I do - that writing a letter to you for more than just you to see, on the internet, is more meaningful but here we go.

I would like to apologize, for all of the stress and arguments and bad words thrown at you over the years I hope you have never taken to heart things that this ignorant child (me) has ever said to you, for this I am for ever sorry. I am not an easy person to live with (what with my choices to unknowingly sign up for pay-monthly schemes like amazon prime and justfab!).

Nothing has been easy for you for a long time which I have never taken into account or acknowledged as I was the one having the problems. When I think back, it always baffles me when I remember how well you handled everything back in 2011 - compared to how I was taking everything - maybe I am remembering wrong or have tried to repress that year too much but what I can remember is that you seemed far more collected than I expected you to be.

I know that everything I have achieved and most things that I will achieve, have been and are solely down to you and I am eternally grateful and indebted - and I hope that you know this too. You are my rock and inspiration for everything that I do, You are the first person I go to about a problem or to get your opinion on something (this blog has probably been the first thing that I haven't asked you to proof read for me!).

I hope that this 'letter' has conveyed the amount that I appreciate you, as you deserve to know.

I will see you in the morning.

Lots of love

Natasha

MORE QUESTIONS - KNOW ME BETTER

1. What's a nickname only your family calls you?

My family and friends call me Tash. When my dad was being silly with me he would call me TishToshTash and some people at work sometimes call me tiny (in a endearing way).

2. What's a weird habit of yours?

I don't really think it is weird but I twist my rings around my fingers and I also have to tie my hair up when I eat anything, even if it's chewing gum.

3. Do you have any weird phobias?

I would say that my hatred for the fruit oranges has become quite a phobia.

4. What's a song you secretly love to blast and belt out when you're alone?

Either God's perspective by Bo Burnham or Crazy Stupid Love by Cheryl Cole.

5. What's one of your biggest pet peeves?

Being able to hear someone breathing or eating are my biggest pet peeves. 

6. What's a nervous habit of yours?

Sometimes I will start scratching at my head or face or I rub my hands together.

7. What side of the bed do you sleep on?

I prefer to sleep on the left side of the bed but I can sleep on either.

8. What was your first stuffed animal and it's name?

My first stuffed animal I ever got was a light beige bear with a red bow that was from Tesco and I got it for my christening, but I don't remember ever giving it a name. 

9. What's the drink you always order at Starbucks?

I will either get a Vanilla Hot chocolate or Vanilla Latte.

10. What's a beauty rule you preach, but never actually practice?

Take off all of your make up before you get in to bed - your not getting out of it until the morning, don't fool yourself.

11. Which way do you face in the shower?

I like to face into the water.

12. Do you have any 'weird' body 'skills'?

I can push both of my thumbs back behind the knuckles of my index fingers and cross all of my fingers over the other at the same time.

13. What's your favorite comfort food that's 'bad' but you love to eat it anyways?

Garlic Bread!

14. What's a phrase or exclamation you always say?

"Right"

15. Time to sleep, what are you actually wearing?

A baggy t-shirt and trousers and then I wrap myself up like a burrito in my duvet.

Natasha

25 QUESTIONS (TAG) - GET TO KNOW ME BETTER

1. Do you have any pets? 

Yes I have one Dog - called Ali, one Hamster - Called Macon and two Cats - Called Hollie and Harley.

2. Name 3 things that are physically close to you.

My Dog

My Blogging notebook

Dr Pepper

 3. What's the weather like right now? 

Over-casty

4. Do you drive? If so have you crashed? 

I am learning to drive at the moment, I have had a few close calls but no I have never crashed (touch wood!)

5. What time did you wake up this morning? 

I woke up around quarter to ten.

6. When was the last time you showered? 

This morning (im counting it as the morning as i got out after 12 noon!)

7. What was the last movie you saw? 

The last movie that I started to watch was 'Girl most likely' but the last movie I watched in full was either 'Bring it on - Fight to the Finish' or 'Not Another Teen Movie'

8. What does your last text message say? 

Its from my mum saying ' I am outside'

9. What's your ringtone? 

The 'Old Phone' iPhone ringtone

10. Have you ever been to a different country? 

I have been to Tunisia, Martinique, France and Spain.

11. Do you like sushi? 

I am not a very big fan but if I am hungry and it is there then I'll eat it.

12. Where do you buy your groceries? 

Either ASDA or Sainsbury's

13. Have you ever taken medication to help you fall asleep faster? 

No - I have however drunk Hot Chocolate to aid drowsiness.

14. How many siblings do you have? 

Yes, i have five siblings - I have three brothers - 25, 10 and 6 - and I have two sisters - 23 and 3.

15. Do you have a desktop computer or a laptop? 

Laptop

16. How old will you be turning on your next birthday? 

I will turn 18 - next June.

17. Do you wear contacts or glasses? 

I wear both it just depends if I can be bothered to poke my eyes in the morning or not.

18. Do you color your hair? 

I do - I have never actually dyed it myself though, i have either gone to a salon, had my mum do it or had a family friend do it.

19. Tell me something you are planning to do today. 

Have a family dinner with my mum, brother, brother's Girlfriend and my grandma for my brother's 25th birthday last Wednesday.

20. When was the last time you cried? 

I think it was when I was watching an episode of Orange is the New Black - I cant fully remember though.

21. What is your perfect pizza topping? 

BBQ sauce!

22. Which do you prefer-hamburgers or cheeseburgers? 

Cheeseburgers with extra relish, dill pickle and onion - I like to eat!

23. Have you ever had an all-nighter? 

Yes - but not that I am proud of it!

24. What is your eye colour? 

My eye colour varies in light - sometimes it is green and sometimes it is brown.

25. Can you taste the difference between Pepsi and Coke? 

Yes I can but I prefer Dr Pepper.

I hope you enjoyed getting to know me a bit better.

Natasha

HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE

All emotions demand to be unapologetically public, especially for the age group that I am currently in! and for some people it is easier to cover over their true emotions for a higher purpose.

Emotions are in the very foreground of every single second of every single day and for the most part are the biggest pain-in-the-arse I have ever experienced. I would be completely lying if I said (wrote) that I can keep myself happy every day of the week because I can't, really I am just about able to keep myself content for seven hours on every week day and that's only because I am in a professional environment where I am representing an organisation and can't be moody! 

Emotions/feelings have never been that easy for me to handle, im sure I am not the first nor the last person to admit that, I could never handle being angry very well - It would make me scream and cry and get quite violence with my pillow! I don't think in the past year anger has been a problem for me - Potentially I could have mastered keeping myself calm - and I am putting this down to me deciding that being happy is a choice. As much as there are some moods I don't want to be in I make the effort to allow myself happiness at the things I have achieved and not sadness for what I haven't. Because what's the point? 


There are a lot of things that we do on a daily basis that are so instilled in to our 'norm' that are not acknowledged as achievements anymore. Things like getting to work that extra bit early, or tidying the house on your own, or even having the energy and time to put on make up in the morning (the 'small things in life). It isn't easy to forget about the things that drag you down, for some reason staying sad is the easiest thing that I have ever been able to do, but soon enough a new habit is made, and higher levels of contentment and then happiness replace the sadness and disappointment we face so often and sadness is a thing of the past.

The true beauty in life is seeing it how it is - yours.

Natasha