DERMATILLOMANIA - MY STORY

Dermatillomania is the name for Compulsive Skin Picking (CSP) which is on the OCD spectrum with extreme cases leading on to Body Dysmorphic Disorder. CSP is something that I have suffered with ever since I started to get spots, specifically when I had a break out of spots from my head to toe due to stress. 

I don't think that I have ever been able to fight an urge to itch my skin, If you haven't experienced CSP or even Trich then the way I would describe it is with Chicken Pox. You can feel each individual centimeter of skin itch and all you can think about is how much you want to tear layers of your skin off of your body. However once you have satisfied every itch you have on your body they come back, again and again and again until you try and restrain yourself from scratching anymore because you find yourself with red sore marks all over your body.

It is a subconscious habit of mine that occurs every single day and one that I have just sort of accepted as 'normal' for me. I find that I will be able to notice whenever I start scratching when I have less acne/spots on my face because I am trying to find something that will satisfy my urges or when I am focused on something and then have to use my hand - for instance when I am reading through a post and have to make small changes. 

One thing about it, especially with pimple-y spots is that I can feel all of the disgusting stuff inside the small mountain of skin and that makes me want to get rid of it even more, most of the time I will start by washing my face to see if that will pop it itself but most of the time it doesn't so I find myself a few hours later after just wanting to pick one small spot and pretty much my entire face is either bleeding or beetroot red.

I had never really come across the disorder online or in day to day life until I found out about Trichotillomania - Hair Pulling Disorder - which was around the begin of 2014 and saw that the two were both on the OCD spectrum. After finding out that it is a disorder I decided to look in to it a bit further. I've found that there are supposed ways of 'curing' or reversing the obsessions with things such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Habit Reversing Training (HRT). Whether these will work for me I have no idea, the only road I have gone down to try to stop is by trying to take out the biggest element - spots. I have previously been on antibiotics to try to get rid of my acne and it did for the most part but I guess my body was too dependent on them because as soon as I started weening myself off of them the acne came straight back! One of the worse things about it for me is that I'm not too worried with what I look like - even if I wear make up and I am around people I will find my hands routing around my face looking for something to pick. 

I have decided to do my post about Dermatillomania because I have noticed a rapid increase of my compulsion in the last week or so - it seems that my body hasn't gotten along with my need to dehair my body, Something that I only really do in the summer time as I show my legs and because I prefer not to have body hair - And have slightly broken out on my arms, stomach and lower back which has been itchy and has given me compulsions to pick. Another reason for me to put my story out to the world is so that maybe it could help someone else out, even if its only that they know it is what someone else deems 'normal' too, that will provide me great comfort.

Do you have CSP or have you ever been able to rid yourself of the convulsions? what has helped you the most?

Natasha 

HABITS

Habits are easily instilled in us as human beings as we thrive off of routine. Some habits that I find particularly infuriating are things that I catch myself doing, for instance: moving objects instead of tidying them away, isn't the mess just collecting somewhere else? 

I am someone who does this quite a lot, generally in situations in which I am anxious as I have discovered that this is where my habits seem to form.

Another habit of mine is 'subconscious face scratching' or Dermatillomania. This all started when I started reading as I used it as a way to stay in the other world that the writer had created and that I am imagining. 
I have suffered with aggressive spot break outs on my face and body for as long as I can remember and obviously never liked that fact. Since then I had developed a habit of consciously picking at my face whenever I encountered a mirror and could see my problematic areas. After gaining this as a habit it became a security thing, like how some people have a special blanket or others suck their thumb, I would pick at my face.

Since then I have found my hands wondering up to and around my face seeing if there is anything new, I think as a way to help soothe any anxiety and to help me concentrate on what ever I was doing. This is surprisingly, one of the hardest habits for me to break as it aids me in so many situations that I find myself in day-to-day. 

I have high hopes of being able to free myself of both of these habits as they both cause me great frustration after the fact. I constantly research different ways to over come strong habits and have yet not had much luck however, I have found that exercising more and improving my eating habits - not eating as much high-sugar-content foods and eating more regularly - has vastly improved not only my wants to pick at my skin but also my need to.

Natasha