Saturday 25 October 2014

DERMATILLOMANIA - MY STORY

Dermatillomania is the name for Compulsive Skin Picking (CSP) which is on the OCD spectrum with extreme cases leading on to Body Dysmorphic Disorder. CSP is something that I have suffered with ever since I started to get spots, specifically when I had a break out of spots from my head to toe due to stress. 

I don't think that I have ever been able to fight an urge to itch my skin, If you haven't experienced CSP or even Trich then the way I would describe it is with Chicken Pox. You can feel each individual centimeter of skin itch and all you can think about is how much you want to tear layers of your skin off of your body. However once you have satisfied every itch you have on your body they come back, again and again and again until you try and restrain yourself from scratching anymore because you find yourself with red sore marks all over your body.

It is a subconscious habit of mine that occurs every single day and one that I have just sort of accepted as 'normal' for me. I find that I will be able to notice whenever I start scratching when I have less acne/spots on my face because I am trying to find something that will satisfy my urges or when I am focused on something and then have to use my hand - for instance when I am reading through a post and have to make small changes. 

One thing about it, especially with pimple-y spots is that I can feel all of the disgusting stuff inside the small mountain of skin and that makes me want to get rid of it even more, most of the time I will start by washing my face to see if that will pop it itself but most of the time it doesn't so I find myself a few hours later after just wanting to pick one small spot and pretty much my entire face is either bleeding or beetroot red.

I had never really come across the disorder online or in day to day life until I found out about Trichotillomania - Hair Pulling Disorder - which was around the begin of 2014 and saw that the two were both on the OCD spectrum. After finding out that it is a disorder I decided to look in to it a bit further. I've found that there are supposed ways of 'curing' or reversing the obsessions with things such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Habit Reversing Training (HRT). Whether these will work for me I have no idea, the only road I have gone down to try to stop is by trying to take out the biggest element - spots. I have previously been on antibiotics to try to get rid of my acne and it did for the most part but I guess my body was too dependent on them because as soon as I started weening myself off of them the acne came straight back! One of the worse things about it for me is that I'm not too worried with what I look like - even if I wear make up and I am around people I will find my hands routing around my face looking for something to pick. 

I have decided to do my post about Dermatillomania because I have noticed a rapid increase of my compulsion in the last week or so - it seems that my body hasn't gotten along with my need to dehair my body, Something that I only really do in the summer time as I show my legs and because I prefer not to have body hair - And have slightly broken out on my arms, stomach and lower back which has been itchy and has given me compulsions to pick. Another reason for me to put my story out to the world is so that maybe it could help someone else out, even if its only that they know it is what someone else deems 'normal' too, that will provide me great comfort.

Do you have CSP or have you ever been able to rid yourself of the convulsions? what has helped you the most?

Natasha 

Saturday 18 October 2014

BOOKS READ TO DATE

I really enjoy reading, being able to imagine for yourself what someone else has written on paper is one of my favorite pass-times. I go into reading when the film 'The Hunger Games' came out in cinemas (around march of 2012) because as soon as I came out of the movie I wanted to know how the series continued. Luckily it was Easter break and I had a week off of school as I spent the ENTIRE week reading the trilogy of books! I didn't eat or sleep I only read the books. 

From this I was able to venture into other corners of my mind with other books. The tetralogy of books from Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl were my next few reads and fell in love with them - my only problem was that I read them in the order 2,1,4,3 so I couldn't really figure out the proper story line but it wasn't too complicated.

The books that I have read to date are:

The Hunger Games - Suzanne Collins
Catching fire - Suzanne Collins
Mockingjay - Suzanne Collins

Beautiful Creatures - Kami Garcia & Margaret Stohl
Beautiful Darkness - Kami Garcia & Margaret Stohl
Beautiful Chaos - Kami Garcia & Margaret Stohl
Beautiful Redemption - Kami Garcia & Margaret Stohl

Divergent - Veronica Roth
Insurgent - Veronica Roth 

The Silver Linings Playbook - Matthew Quick

The Perks of Being a Wallflower - Stephen Chbosky

Twilight - Stephanie Meyer
New Moon - Stephanie Meyer
Eclipse - Stephanie Meyer
The Short Second Life of Brie Tanner - Stephanie Meyer
Breaking Dawn - Stephanie Meyer

The Knife of Never Letting Go - Patrick Ness
The Ask and The Answer - Patrick Ness
Monsters of Men - Patrick Ness

Will Grayson  Will Grayson - John Green & David Levithan 
The Fault in our Stars - John Green
Paper Towns - John Green
An Abundance of Katherines - John Green

To Kill a Mocking Bird - Harper Lee

Lord of the Flies - William Golding

Infinite Sky - C.J.Flood


My top 10 favorite books


What is your favorite book? and Who's your favorite writer?

Natasha 

Sunday 12 October 2014

A LETTER TO MY MUM

Mum, 

I don't know if you have the same thought process about this as I do - that writing a letter to you for more than just you to see, on the internet, is more meaningful but here we go.

I would like to apologize, for all of the stress and arguments and bad words thrown at you over the years I hope you have never taken to heart things that this ignorant child (me) has ever said to you, for this I am for ever sorry. I am not an easy person to live with (what with my choices to unknowingly sign up for pay-monthly schemes like amazon prime and justfab!).

Nothing has been easy for you for a long time which I have never taken into account or acknowledged as I was the one having the problems. When I think back, it always baffles me when I remember how well you handled everything back in 2011 - compared to how I was taking everything - maybe I am remembering wrong or have tried to repress that year too much but what I can remember is that you seemed far more collected than I expected you to be.

I know that everything I have achieved and most things that I will achieve, have been and are solely down to you and I am eternally grateful and indebted - and I hope that you know this too. You are my rock and inspiration for everything that I do, You are the first person I go to about a problem or to get your opinion on something (this blog has probably been the first thing that I haven't asked you to proof read for me!).

I hope that this 'letter' has conveyed the amount that I appreciate you, as you deserve to know.

I will see you in the morning.


Lots of love

Natasha

Wednesday 8 October 2014

MORE QUESTIONS - KNOW ME BETTER

1. What's a nickname only your family calls you?

My family and friends call me Tash. When my dad was being silly with me he would call me TishToshTash and some people at work sometimes call me tiny (in a endearing way).

2. What's a weird habit of yours?


I don't really think it is weird but I twist my rings around my fingers and I also have to tie my hair up when I eat anything, even if it's chewing gum.

3. Do you have any weird phobias?


I would say that my hatred for the fruit oranges has become quite a phobia.

4. What's a song you secretly love to blast and belt out when you're alone?

Either God's perspective by Bo Burnham or Crazy Stupid Love by Cheryl Cole.

5. What's one of your biggest pet peeves?


Being able to hear someone breathing or eating are my biggest pet peeves. 

6. What's a nervous habit of yours?


Sometimes I will start scratching at my head or face or I rub my hands together.

7. What side of the bed do you sleep on?

I prefer to sleep on the left side of the bed but I can sleep on either.

8. What was your first stuffed animal and it's name?


My first stuffed animal I ever got was a light beige bear with a red bow that was from Tesco and I got it for my christening, but I don't remember ever giving it a name. 

9. What's the drink you always order at Starbucks?


I will either get a Vanilla Hot chocolate or Vanilla Latte.

10. What's a beauty rule you preach, but never actually practice?


Take off all of your make up before you get in to bed - your not getting out of it until the morning, don't fool yourself.

11. Which way do you face in the shower?


I like to face into the water.

12. Do you have any 'weird' body 'skills'?

I can push both of my thumbs back behind the knuckles of my index fingers and cross all of my fingers over the other at the same time.

13. What's your favorite comfort food that's 'bad' but you love to eat it anyways?

Garlic Bread!

14. What's a phrase or exclamation you always say?


"Right"

15. Time to sleep, what are you actually wearing?


A baggy t-shirt and trousers and then I wrap myself up like a burrito in my duvet.

Natasha

Sunday 5 October 2014

25 QUESTIONS (TAG) - GET TO KNOW ME BETTER

1. Do you have any pets? 

Yes I have one Dog - called Ali, one Hamster - Called Macon and two Cats - Called Hollie and Harley.

2. Name 3 things that are physically close to you.

My Dog
My Blogging notebook
Dr Pepper














 3. What's the weather like right now? 

Over-casty

4. Do you drive? If so have you crashed? 


I am learning to drive at the moment, I have had a few close calls but no I have never crashed (touch wood!)

5. What time did you wake up this morning? 


I woke up around quarter to ten.

6. When was the last time you showered? 

This morning (im counting it as the morning as i got out after 12 noon!)

7. What was the last movie you saw? 


The last movie that I started to watch was 'Girl most likely' but the last movie I watched in full was either 'Bring it on - Fight to the Finish' or 'Not Another Teen Movie'

8. What does your last text message say? 


Its from my mum saying ' I am outside'

9. What's your ringtone? 


The 'Old Phone' iPhone ringtone

10. Have you ever been to a different country? 


I have been to Tunisia, Martinique, France and Spain.

11. Do you like sushi? 


I am not a very big fan but if I am hungry and it is there then I'll eat it.

12. Where do you buy your groceries? 


Either ASDA or Sainsbury's

13. Have you ever taken medication to help you fall asleep faster? 


No - I have however drunk Hot Chocolate to aid drowsiness.

14. How many siblings do you have? 


Yes, i have five siblings - I have three brothers - 25, 10 and 6 - and I have two sisters - 23 and 3.

15. Do you have a desktop computer or a laptop? 


Laptop

16. How old will you be turning on your next birthday? 


I will turn 18 - next June.

17. Do you wear contacts or glasses? 


I wear both it just depends if I can be bothered to poke my eyes in the morning or not.

18. Do you color your hair? 


I do - I have never actually dyed it myself though, i have either gone to a salon, had my mum do it or had a family friend do it.

19. Tell me something you are planning to do today. 


Have a family dinner with my mum, brother, brother's Girlfriend and my grandma for my brother's 25th birthday last Wednesday.

20. When was the last time you cried? 


I think it was when I was watching an episode of Orange is the New Black - I cant fully remember though.

21. What is your perfect pizza topping? 


BBQ sauce!

22. Which do you prefer-hamburgers or cheeseburgers? 


Cheeseburgers with extra relish, dill pickle and onion - I like to eat!

23. Have you ever had an all-nighter? 


Yes - but not that I am proud of it!

24. What is your eye colour? 


My eye colour varies in light - sometimes it is green and sometimes it is brown.

25. Can you taste the difference between Pepsi and Coke? 


Yes I can but I prefer Dr Pepper.

I hope you enjoyed getting to know me a bit better.

Natasha