Happiness - Working Title...

"Hello old friend. Oh my, do we have some catching up to do."

Thats the sentence I have found myself saying a lot lately.

I feel like I have woken up from a two-year long coma and have slotted myself back into the world again. I finally feel like I can be a me that I'm happy with. I've spent so long trying to shut my brain off and not opening up that I forgot how much I love to talk and day dream and plan for the future. I've neglected so many people in my life out of what I thought was necessity, but every one of them has welcomed me back with open arms.

I have a few people in my life that have always been hell-bent on being happy. This allusive thing I've never felt overall about my life - I thought it meant all day everyday sat there with a cheshire-cat grin on your face. I know I've been happy but I always relied on someone else to get me there. Knowing this, I thought that I had become a good liar by being able to get out the words to convince them. Recently though, I have been told that that wasn't the case.

In the last few months these people have seen the change in me and highlighted it to me. I've also seen it in myself too, I sing more, smile more, laugh harder than I ever have. I strike up conversations easier and make an effort to do something with my day and generally have a more positive outlook on life. I didn't allow myself to look towards the future because all it did was depress me that it wasn't happening now. I've always wanted to be older than I actually am, and have all the things that came with it - The house, the kids and the responsibility were the only things I thought I would be content with. I'm still excited for the things, but I'm more looking forward to the journey to get there.

"What changed?" I can't hear you ask.

I went on holiday... Not a big thing in itself, I know. But to me it was the best move I've made so far. It was the first time I had left the country in three years and the first time ever without an adult! I thought that I was a very cautious person, someone who didn't like being too far from my home. I didn't like the thought of not being able to get myself home if I felt uncomfortable or scared and I thought that I wouldn't enjoy going away, but being away was completely different this time, and since then I haven't had any feelings like that - I feel at home wherever I am.

Tomorrow is something I look forward to now, and I'm loving it!

Natasha

HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE

All emotions demand to be unapologetically public, especially for the age group that I am currently in! and for some people it is easier to cover over their true emotions for a higher purpose.

Emotions are in the very foreground of every single second of every single day and for the most part are the biggest pain-in-the-arse I have ever experienced. I would be completely lying if I said (wrote) that I can keep myself happy every day of the week because I can't, really I am just about able to keep myself content for seven hours on every week day and that's only because I am in a professional environment where I am representing an organisation and can't be moody! 

Emotions/feelings have never been that easy for me to handle, im sure I am not the first nor the last person to admit that, I could never handle being angry very well - It would make me scream and cry and get quite violence with my pillow! I don't think in the past year anger has been a problem for me - Potentially I could have mastered keeping myself calm - and I am putting this down to me deciding that being happy is a choice. As much as there are some moods I don't want to be in I make the effort to allow myself happiness at the things I have achieved and not sadness for what I haven't. Because what's the point? 


There are a lot of things that we do on a daily basis that are so instilled in to our 'norm' that are not acknowledged as achievements anymore. Things like getting to work that extra bit early, or tidying the house on your own, or even having the energy and time to put on make up in the morning (the 'small things in life). It isn't easy to forget about the things that drag you down, for some reason staying sad is the easiest thing that I have ever been able to do, but soon enough a new habit is made, and higher levels of contentment and then happiness replace the sadness and disappointment we face so often and sadness is a thing of the past.

The true beauty in life is seeing it how it is - yours.

Natasha