"Hello old friend. Oh my, do we have some catching up to do."
Thats the sentence I have found myself saying a lot lately.
I feel like I have woken up from a two-year long coma and have slotted myself back into the world again. I finally feel like I can be a me that I'm happy with. I've spent so long trying to shut my brain off and not opening up that I forgot how much I love to talk and day dream and plan for the future. I've neglected so many people in my life out of what I thought was necessity, but every one of them has welcomed me back with open arms.
I have a few people in my life that have always been hell-bent on being happy. This allusive thing I've never felt overall about my life - I thought it meant all day everyday sat there with a cheshire-cat grin on your face. I know I've been happy but I always relied on someone else to get me there. Knowing this, I thought that I had become a good liar by being able to get out the words to convince them. Recently though, I have been told that that wasn't the case.
In the last few months these people have seen the change in me and highlighted it to me. I've also seen it in myself too, I sing more, smile more, laugh harder than I ever have. I strike up conversations easier and make an effort to do something with my day and generally have a more positive outlook on life. I didn't allow myself to look towards the future because all it did was depress me that it wasn't happening now. I've always wanted to be older than I actually am, and have all the things that came with it - The house, the kids and the responsibility were the only things I thought I would be content with. I'm still excited for the things, but I'm more looking forward to the journey to get there.
"What changed?" I can't hear you ask.
I went on holiday... Not a big thing in itself, I know. But to me it was the best move I've made so far. It was the first time I had left the country in three years and the first time ever without an adult! I thought that I was a very cautious person, someone who didn't like being too far from my home. I didn't like the thought of not being able to get myself home if I felt uncomfortable or scared and I thought that I wouldn't enjoy going away, but being away was completely different this time, and since then I haven't had any feelings like that - I feel at home wherever I am.
Tomorrow is something I look forward to now, and I'm loving it!
Natasha
